Written on: Thursday, October 12, 2006 Time: 11:15 pm
I foresee this Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be a pretty humdrum one. Reason being, the big 'O's will commence the week after Hari Raya and apparently that's bad. So,there will not be much duit collection (or commonly known as hongbao) for me this time. Even though visiting to relatives will still be going on, I presume I have to bring along my notes or ten year series with me. BUMMER! As a matter of fact, Hari Raya have not been much fun ever since my late grandmother passed away two years ago. Hari Raya feels so empty without the love ones around us.. But after having said all that, Hari Raya is a joyous occassion worth celebrating for 'cause there's duit collectionmah! Hah Hah. Oh and and I am in seventh heaven just contemplating the things that I could buy with the duit collection. *grins*
Listen to this story for a while won't you?
I seriously used to think that I was smart, I mean when I was in lower-secondary I always top the class and level. Year after year, I will not fail to get the Scholarship. To me it's a great achievement 'cause it proves alot of people wrong for the many people who look down on Normal Academic student. But all that was now history..
The results I achieved for my Preliminary Exams were so poor that I practically lose all the confidence and high self-esteem that I once had. My world almost come crashing down upon receiving my Report Book yesterday. Being a Sec 5 Normal Academic student, I struggle with my studies ever since the beginning of the year. This was not the case when I used to be in Sec 4 Normal Academic.Exams were easy-peesy, revisions were mostly done the day before the exams yet I could still achieved good grades. I once had an envision that my studies will most probably remain constant or even better and that being an 'O' Level candidate, it will be easy for me to pass since I had sat for National Exam once but I guess I was so wrong. It was a far cry from that and I'll most probably will not be struggling much if I had not been slacking for the last 9 months.
I am so afraid...so afraid that I might never be able to achieve my dream as a Biomedical student,to be in the area of Sciences especially Biology. I fear not making to a Polytechnic. I fear that I might disappoint my parents and teachers who have pinned high hopes on me. I fear that my parents will no longer trust me.
I fear not having the motivation to study, realising it and not doing anything about my blunders.
I now look at the smarter, hardworking students with much envy. Perhaps they deserved the good grades they attained because they work hard for it....because they are truly genius unlike me who only thinks about being playful all the time. I totally regret now thinking about how I used to be so lazy in class..
I fear many things and I don't see myself as a fighter the way I used to see myself.
I just realise its not worth to ponder about it anymore. I have to move on from this pathetic state.
Written on: Thursday, October 12, 2006 Time: 11:15 pm
I foresee this Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be a pretty humdrum one. Reason being, the big 'O's will commence the week after Hari Raya and apparently that's bad. So,there will not be much duit collection (or commonly known as hongbao) for me this time. Even though visiting to relatives will still be going on, I presume I have to bring along my notes or ten year series with me. BUMMER! As a matter of fact, Hari Raya have not been much fun ever since my late grandmother passed away two years ago. Hari Raya feels so empty without the love ones around us.. But after having said all that, Hari Raya is a joyous occassion worth celebrating for 'cause there's duit collectionmah! Hah Hah. Oh and and I am in seventh heaven just contemplating the things that I could buy with the duit collection. *grins*
Listen to this story for a while won't you?
I seriously used to think that I was smart, I mean when I was in lower-secondary I always top the class and level. Year after year, I will not fail to get the Scholarship. To me it's a great achievement 'cause it proves alot of people wrong for the many people who look down on Normal Academic student. But all that was now history..
The results I achieved for my Preliminary Exams were so poor that I practically lose all the confidence and high self-esteem that I once had. My world almost come crashing down upon receiving my Report Book yesterday. Being a Sec 5 Normal Academic student, I struggle with my studies ever since the beginning of the year. This was not the case when I used to be in Sec 4 Normal Academic.Exams were easy-peesy, revisions were mostly done the day before the exams yet I could still achieved good grades. I once had an envision that my studies will most probably remain constant or even better and that being an 'O' Level candidate, it will be easy for me to pass since I had sat for National Exam once but I guess I was so wrong. It was a far cry from that and I'll most probably will not be struggling much if I had not been slacking for the last 9 months.
I am so afraid...so afraid that I might never be able to achieve my dream as a Biomedical student,to be in the area of Sciences especially Biology. I fear not making to a Polytechnic. I fear that I might disappoint my parents and teachers who have pinned high hopes on me. I fear that my parents will no longer trust me.
I fear not having the motivation to study, realising it and not doing anything about my blunders.
I now look at the smarter, hardworking students with much envy. Perhaps they deserved the good grades they attained because they work hard for it....because they are truly genius unlike me who only thinks about being playful all the time. I totally regret now thinking about how I used to be so lazy in class..
I fear many things and I don't see myself as a fighter the way I used to see myself.
I just realise its not worth to ponder about it anymore. I have to move on from this pathetic state.
